A SCUMBAG’S GUIDE TO RELAXATION
1. Xannies, Postmates, and your cousins’ ex-girlfriend’s HBO GO password.
2. Find a pool. If you don’t have access to one, just use your neighbors’ when they aren’t home.
3. Sixer of Zimas
4. Put on your favorite outfit and take a nap.
5. Purge! And we aren’t talking about some fucking juice cleanse.
6. Play a joke on someone you love. Call your mom, tell her you love her and that she won’t be hearing from you for awhile; then hang up. Laughter really is the best medicine.
7. Bubble wrap, duh.
8. Take a shower and use soap.
9. Do something for someone else. Give out free cigarettes to all the neighborhood kids.
10. For every new car you see slap a Mike’s Deli sticker on the bumper.